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This is a short story I wrote for Wretched Scars a book of short stories and poems I cowrote with Ray Labuen

 

William Gordon always said he would return to his hometown once he retired. What he didn’t think about was how he’d be forced into early retirement. William had an accident at work that made his return to his hometown occur twenty years earlier than he expected. William left his hometown immediately after high school and only came back when his mother died ten years ago. William is now moving into the house his mother left him in her will. Once moved in though, William remembered why he left his hometown in the first place.

            William left in the first place because he never felt he belonged in a small town. He wasn’t like anyone else and it made him an easy target by his former classmates and the people of the town. William started having flashbacks about his teenage years. After only being in town for a week, William was already losing sleep to the flashbacks. He would wake up after remembering being thrown in a dumpster when the trucks were getting ready to pick them up, or the time three of his classmates decided to beat him up, the teacher was the parent to one of the guys that beat William up so this made it difficult for William o go to anyone. After weeks of nightmares from his earlier years in town William decides to find only person he ever considered a true friend to make his return more enjoyable.

            Marissa Draiman was William’s only friend growing up in town. She was also frowned upon by classmates and the locals in town. However, unlike William, Marissa had to stay in town after high school to help take care of her aunt. Marissa’s aunt was her guardian because Marissa’s parents died when she was four and her aunt was the only one who would take her in. Shortly after William left town, Marissa’s aunt finally succumbed to her medical conditions and died. After being treated like an outcast her whole life and the only people close to her no longer in her life. Marissa was gradually losing her sanity.

            The last time William was in town, he did not get to see her because he was informed she was sent to an asylum after her aunt died. She was deemed unfit to live amongst other people. William found out this time around she was back in her old house and he wanted to see the one friend he did have when he was growing up. He knocked on the door to what looked like an abandoned house to find her in horrible condition. Marissa had shaved her head because she was pulling her hair out while in the asylum, she also had a rope mark around her neck from where she tried to commit suicide when she left the asylum. It was obvious to William that Marissa was mentally broken and as her only friend he wanted to help her. He also felt this was needed for his own sake to prevent him from having the flashbacks he had been having lately.

            After talking to Marissa for an hour he was starting to feel sympathy for her ending up in an asylum, he also felt guilt because he felt that he was partially responsible for her ending up there.  William was also slightly confused, after every few sentences, Marissa would mumble the words “I didn’t kill me” and when William would ask Marissa to repeat herself, she’d simply say nothing. Despite Marissa being mentally broken, William felt he needed to be with his friend, especially since he wasn’t around after he graduated high school.

            Even though William wanted to comfort his friend, Marissa would only talk about her time in the asylum. He wanted her to talk about other topics, especially since Marissa speaking of the asylum was only making William’s flashbacks from high school worse. After hearing her talk of the asylum for three hours, Marissa passed out. William was on his way out the door when he saw a newspaper, he couldn’t believe what he was looking at. The paper was opened to Marissa’s obituary, according to the article, she committed suicide in the asylum over a year ago. He turned around, Marissa was floating in the air, and she yelled “I DID NOT KILL ME!” and disappeared. William took the paper and any other evidence and went back to his house.

            After seeing why Marissa’s house was abandoned, William wondered to himself how exactly did he see her and was having a conversation with her without noticing the obituary. However, he decided he wanted to know why she kept saying “I didn’t kill me.” He went to the house of one of the doctors at the asylum, the doctor let him in and they talked for an hour. He found out Marissa’s suicide was actually a cover-up by the doctor. He gave Marissa the wrong medication, which killed her instantly, the doctor, made it look like a suicide and knew no one, would look into it. A month after Marissa’s death, the doctor stepped down and he admits to William this was the first time he told the truth about Marissa. William looked at the doctor and forgave him for the incident but he wanted the doctor to admit the truth to the asylum.

            On his way out, he saw a newspaper, this one was flipped to the doctor’s obituary. The doctor killed himself leaving a note saying he did something unforgiveable. Nothing else was on the note other than “I’m sorry”. William went to the cemetery where Marissa was buried and looked at the grave. He simply said he would find a way to prove her death was an accident by another person. After he said those words he heard Marissa’s voice say “Thank you!” He turned around but he did not see his friend. He saw a newly dug grave and walked to it.

            William could not believe his eyes, he was staring at his own grave, and he realized he saw Marissa and the doctor because he himself was also dead. Then William remembered, the accident at work did not put him in retirement, the accident killed him. He remembered before dying, he said he would not leave the earth until he could prove his best friend did not kill herself. The flashbacks were occurring but they were not his memories, they were Marissa’s memories. He was remembering her pain and torture as a way to motivate him to find out the truth about his friend.

            After finding out the truth about Marissa’s death and the truth to the doctor’s death, the information appeared on the news shortly after. As William saw the truth unravel about his friend, an angel appeared before him. The angel looked at him and told him it was time for him to come home. William reached out to the angel and he went home.

Flame of Change (Short Story)

This is a short story from Veering Straight Ahead this story was originally a poem I wrote for my poetry book Awakening with the Sea with this poem being a narrative poem it was an easy transition from poem to short story.

Everyone goes through change, some for the better, some for the worst. Despite how I am now, I had to endure hell to see the sunshine. I lost everything and nearly killed myself, but someone saved me and now I can tell my story to you.

            I didn’t have a luxurious life, but I had a beautiful wife and an incredible son. I had a job that made sure the wife and son were happy. But all of this changed, on a regular afternoon heading home from a hard days work, I smelled smoke. My dad and uncle were both firefighters so I knew something had caught fire. As I got closer to my home I faced the insufferable, the fire was my house. Not only was my house on fire, my wife and son were trapped inside. By the time I had gotten home, the second floor had already collapsed. This made it impossible for my family to escape. A firefighter came out of my house, covered in soot, with a body in his arms. It was my son, I had arrived too late and the fire had become too much for him and took his life.

            Shortly after I got there, an ambulance arrived ready to take my family to the hospital. Another firefighter came out with my wife, she was alive, but barely. They put her on the stretcher and signaled for the driver to head to the hospital. I asked what the cause of this was but the damage was so severe that they were unable to tell at that given moment. I shook the hands of the firefighters and headed to the hospital.

            I finally arrived at the hospital to see how my wife was doing, I went to the front desk to ask. A doctor came to the clerical at the same time, he was there to tell her to tell the bad news. On the way to the hospital, my wife of eight years passed away due to the damage her body took from the fire. I choked up trying to hide my emotions but my breakdown was inevitable. I got to the door and fell to my knees bawling. In a few hours time, I lost both my high school sweetheart and my only child to a fire that was caused by unforeseen circumstances. I took a cab to my brother’s house, and cried myself to sleep that night. I didn’t go to work for the remainder of the week, I was too distraught over the deaths of my family. I was able to keep myself together for both funerals, but after that my life starting taking a downward slope.

            The cause of my depression bounced between blaming myself for their deaths, and wishing I had also died in the fire. The depression took its toll on me. I usually had a drink or two when I went out, but after their deaths, I was drinking a liter a night. The first two weeks the alcohol was able to drown out my pain. The liquor was even able to keep me from thinking about the fire that killed my family. However, this painkiller was only temporary, my so-called “painkiller” turned itself into a “pain enhancer” in no time. I went from being able to block out the memories to being unable to sleep, only thinking of the fire that took my wife and child. I became unable to function at work, unable to go without my new vice and poison. I eventually got to the point that I couldn’t function as a person.

            I was fed up, depressed, and ready to die. My wife was dead, my only son was dead, I blamed myself for their deaths, and the alcohol that was once blocking my pain, made the pain far too real for me to handle. I decided I would make the decision when I get to see them again, not God. I took the bottle and walked to the bridge on the outskirts of town. This bridge was over the old train tracks, and was high enough that my chance of survival was unlikely. I finished the bottle, threw it over the bridge, and looked up to the sky. With one final cry I yelled “I will see both of you again.” I was ready to make my final decision in this world when a man stopped me from my fate.

            The man was leaving the church not too far away from the bridge. He looked at me, and said, “Why would you choose this horrific ending?”
“I lost my wife and only child to a fire, the alcohol is only making the pain worse and I’m ready to see them again.”

            “Son, this is no way to see your family again, in fact, this will verify you will never see them again.”

            “Life without them is too hard.” I said, “You don’t know how many times I wished I was in that fire with them.”

            “You need to rise above your demons,” he said “and be happy that your family is in a better place.”

            His words hit me like a pendulum and I realized I was heading in a downward slope. I stepped over to the right side of the bridge and he took me to his church. He and the minister had a prayer to help me get myself back on the right path. The minister got the church to hold a fundraiser to help me afford rehab to overcome my addiction. I told the congregation my story and the church raised the money in one week. I went to rehab and I have never succumbed to relapse.

Five Years Later

            I went to a local restaurant with some friends to celebrate five years sobriety before heading to the Wednesday night church service. I was having a good time eating delicious food with people that helped save me from myself. At Church, the congregation held a celebration for me and my growth. Afterward, I had another life changing moment that I couldn’t believe was happening before my eyes.

            I was walking home across the bridge where I almost took my life and saw a woman about my age on the same ledge I was five years earlier. The man that stopped me became my best friend so I knew that helping her was the only option.

            “Ms, you need to get on this side of the bridge.” I said to the crying woman

            “Never!” she said “I’ve been wallowing in misery for far too long and I’m ready to see my husband and my daughter”

            “This isn’t the way to your family” I told her, “You are only making it certain you will never see them again”

            “I will see them again and I’m making it sooner than God wants it to be” she cried “I tried to go on after the fire killed my family.” I couldn’t believe the words she just said to me. “I turned to the bottle but it was only a temporary painkiller, I only wished that I died in that fire too.” This moment was far too unreal to me to believe.

            “You need to rise above your demons” I said to her “You need to be happy your family is in a better place.”

            Just how those words hit me five years earlier, I was able to use the exact same words to stop her from jumping off the same bridge I nearly had. I did the same thing my now best friend did for me, I took her to the church I now attend and told the minister everything and how eerie it was that someone else faced the exact same situation I did. We had a prayer and this time around I decided to pay the bill to take her to rehab. 

Another three years

            Over the past three years I saw her recover from alcoholism, and become a new person. I fell in love with her. We started to spend a lot of time together over the past year, and I was ready to give her a ring. I’ve only been dating her for a year, but our pasts were too alike and our personalities were connecting. Three years to the day I saved her life, I asked her to marry me.

            She cried for nearly two hours before actually saying yes. We both knew that we had to get married at the church we both started going to after turning our lives around. The man that saved my life became my best friend, and for the wedding was my best man. The preacher that helped me go to rehab wed us, and helped both of us start a new chapter in our lives together. We moved into a house with a view of the bridge. The house was a way for us to view our deepest low and how we both overcame the odds and found each other.

            After a year of marriage, she told me she was expecting. Even though I lost my son and she lost her daughter, we both wanted to have a child in our life together. We decided to wait until she had the baby, instead of finding out if it was a boy or girl then. Our lives showed us that when your life goes up in flames, there is always something to look forward to after the smoke clears.

 

 

 

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Loose Change

This is a short story I wrote for my essay/short story book Veering Straight Ahead I decided to post this because there has been renewed interest in my short stories and most of this year, for me, is dedicated to poetry and editing. So here is "Loose Change"

“Hey, dad, why do you always keep that small jar of change on your desk at work?” Little Jimmy asks his father.

            “It is my inspiration to remind me that every little thing matters at the end of the day,” he tells his young son.

            “Can you tell me the story dad?” Jimmy asks his father.

            “Only if you listen to the entire story,” the man tells his son.

            “Will do, dad” Jimmy said and the man began telling his story.

            When I was a little kid there was this old man who always grabbed loose change from the ground. It did not matter if it was a penny or even a dollar bill, he would pick it up and place it in his pocket. It confused people in his family because he was a very wealthy man and the change he picked up was nothing compared to what he had.

            The only person who never said he was crazy was Clark, the little boy that lived next door to the old man. In fact, whenever he found change on the ground he would go next door and give it to the old man. The old man did not like Clark doing this, but he liked having the kid over since his own grandchildren never see him. Clark enjoyed visiting the old man because his parents worked late hours, and were barely home. His older sister spent most of her time talking on the phone, ignoring him. The old man started calling Clark his grandson, and allowed Clark to take change from the many jars in his house if Clark needed anything.

            Clark only took change for two reasons: to buy ice cream or to go to the arcade a few blocks down. Whenever Clark and the old man went anywhere, they would pick up any loose change they could find. One night they brought home twenty dollars in loose change. Because Clark was too young to stay on his own, the old man watched Clark so the parents could work, and the sister could go out with her friends.

            As Clark got older, he still visited the old man. The only thing that changed was that instead of buying ice cream, he would now take the change to buy clothes. The old man started to have a decline in health, so they used the loose change to buy his medication and his vitamins. Even though they started to spend the change, the jars never seemed to dwindle.

            Clark had good grades in school, but his teachers always said he never applied himself, so the old man made a deal with Clark. If Clark could get good grades without the negative feedback, he would buy Clark a car. After months of hard work, Clark went next door to show the old man his report card: three As, three Bs, one ungraded class, and two remarks simply saying, “shows improvement.” As promised the old man took the change from three jars, went to the car lot, and Clark left the lot with his first car ever. It was no new car by any means, the old man said Clark needed to improve his driving before he is ready to own a new vehicle. Clark did not care about the age or shape of his car, all that mattered to him was that he had a car.

            As Clark got older, he brought more change to his neighbor. Unfortunately, the old man had now been confined to a wheelchair. So when the two went out, Clark picked up any loose change the old man saw since he was in a wheelchair and could not pick up the change himself.

            Clark had another milestone in his life, he had met the girl of his dreams, and was ready to marry her. Then a problem came up, her family was very poor and could not afford the wedding the two wanted. Clark was part of a wealthy family, but his parents hated the idea of him marrying someone that was very poor. The old man, wanting to help his “grandson” took as many jars of change as he could to the bank and helped pay for Clark to marry the girl he had fallen in love with. Not only did the old man pay for the wedding, he also paid for the honeymoon. He paid for a one week cruise for the two to go to the Bahamas.

            The old man took another decline in health, now he was losing his vision. Though the newlyweds were fresh out of college, they took the old man into their home. Clark felt this was not enough because the old man did so much for him when he was growing up. The old man took up two rooms in the house: one to sleep in and one to keep the change he and Clark had accumulated over the years. The old man refused to live there for free, he always helped pay the bills, even though they never wanted him to.

            One night the old man went to bed, little did Clark know, this would be the last night the old man would live. He passed away in his sleep that night. After knowing the old man since he was a little kid, he finally met the children and grandchildren. Sadly, they never had anything to do with him but quickly showed up when it was time for the reading of his will. The will was very small, both of his children would get five-hundred dollars a piece. Each of his grandchildren got a $1,000.00 savings bond. Then the final part of his will said:

            I am leaving everything else to the only child that I felt was my grandson, Clark. Though we are not blood he is the only one deserving of my fortunes. Clark, my only request to you is that you chase your dreams and always love your wife.

            Clark received nearly one million dollars from the old man, but this was only part of the fortune. Clark still had the jars of loose change in his house, the coins he and the old man had collected over the years. Part of the will requested that Clark finally cash in the coins they collected over the years and chase the dream he always wanted. Clark cashed in every jar but one, he wanted a reminder to himself that he became who he is because of the old man and his change. He wanted a reminder of all the fun times he had with the old man.

            When Clark cashed in every jar he had the grand total was over one hundred thousand dollars. He kept his promise to the old man and chased his dream. Clark patented an item he had dreamt of since his childhood, and marketed the item. Clark turned his item into a business, and after five years of business, Clark now owns a Fortune 500 company.

            “So dad the kid in the story was you?” little Jimmy asked.

            “You are right son” Clark said to his son, “I keep this jar of change to remind me of the man that helped shape me and this company.”

            “I wanted to tell you this story because the old man always told me three words Chase your dreams and that advice is what I live by and I want you to live by that advice as well.”

Cover to Approaching Humanity

As promised here is the cover to my sixth book of poetry Approaching Humanity the cover was illustrated by Mary Bolling, same artist who drew the cover to my co-written book (with Ray Labuen) Wretched Scars and Approaching Humanity will be arriving THIS APRIL

Approaching Humanity Article III: The Cover

One of the many things that make Approaching Humanity special is the cover of the book drawn and designed by Mary Bolling. The cover to this book was actuallywhy I went to her for a cover to Wretched Scars

As arrogant as this may sound I knew early on the material I was writing for this book was some of my best material and I wanted everything for this book to be better than anything else I've done. I also knew that instead of doing a cover that I was only partially satisfied with, I'd get someone to do the artwork for my cover this time around.

Shortly after I made this decision to myself and at this time I was the only person who knew I was going to hire an artist, I got a notification on here that Mary tagged me in a note on facebook. She was working on her final for a class and needed to do an art piece for someone. I knew right away to respond. I messaged her shortly and asked her about possibly doing a book cover for my sixth poetry book. I told her two quick things though a custom cover for the company who publishes my work is front AND back cover and second, my sixth book of poetry was at least a year away from release (this convo happened in March 2012). She told me she assumed as much regarding the cover and the release window for my book was ok for her project.

I simply told her the title, the theme, and two poems from More than a Million Words would be making an appearance in this book ("Porcelain" and "The Only One"). With this light amount of info Mary had three sketches for potential covers in a week. As incredible as each sketch was, I knew which sketch would best fit the theme of the book. At the end of April Mary emailed me the cover to my sixth book of poetry and this cover makes Approaching Humanity the best looking book of my books that are out. The cover alone provided inspiration for several of the poems I have written for this book.

The cover to this book was so astounding that I asked Mary to do the cover for the book Ray and I released last year titled Wretched Scars and the follow up to Approaching Humanity because lately I write too much. The cover is in the bowels of my pics and I will do an Official unveiling of the cover later this month.

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Approaching Humanity Article II: The Quotes

One of the many things that makes Approaching Humanity stand out from my other poetry books is this go around I have placed 15 quotes throughout the book that revolve around the theme and a few a specific to select poems. The two reasons I chose to do this: Batman Begins and my first writing affiliate Criss Jami.
In the early stages of the book, I was uncertain what the main theme of the book would be. One night FX was playing Batman Begins and when Bruce's dad comes to the rescue he looks at him and says "Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up" At that point I literally went "THAT'S IT! THAT'S THE MAIN THEME TO POETRY BOOK 6" because I did not have a definite title at the time. I only had 10 poems written but I knew somewhere in the book the quote from Thomas Wayne would be there. Two reasons: one, it was the thing that made me decide my main theme and two, how awesome would it be to have the father of BATMAN in my next poetry book.
The other reason I chose to put quotes in there is none other than Criss Jami himself, if you don't own any of his books GO BUY VENUS IN ARMS it is incredible. Also With each poem in both of his books he concludes the poems with a quote. So between Criss Jami and Thomas Wayne something in my head said "put some quotes in the humanity book" Around March or April when I announced the title I told Criss I was sort of copying him, unlike Criss I'm only putting a handful of quotes in the book and mine come before the poem instead of after.
Criss told me websites to look up quotes and since some of the quotes are from Criss himself I also asked if he could supply a quote for my greatest work, not only did he say yes but his quote comes before "Remission" one of the greatest poems I have EVER written.
The final form of Approaching Humanity wil feature fifteen quotes scattered throughout the book I have quoted Criss, comic book characters, authors, musicians, and philosophers. I chose to limit the quotes because I feel in the case of this book that less is more so I stuck with fifteen.

Here are the people/characters/bands I'm quoting for the book they are listed accordingly to their appearance in the book

1. Haley Johnson
2. Dale Carnegie
3. Theodor Adorno
4. T.S. Eliot
5. Henry Miller
6. Reinhold Niebuhr
7. Disturbed (line from 1st verse of "Down with the Sickness")
8. Thomas Wayne (line from movie Batman Begins)
9. Vision (line from The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes)
10. dc Talk (chorus from "What if I Stumble")
11. Criss Jami
12. Henry Ford
13. Gandhi
14. Robert Kiyosaki
15. Manafest (chorus from "Human")

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Approaching Humanity Article I: Birth of the book

In June 2011 I had completed Lies of the Fearless and was mostly done with Aspects of Love by this point I knew that Aspects of Love was going to be released in January 2012 and my then untitled essay book would be released later in 2012. I had already begun writing what would become my sixth book of poetry but I didn't want it out in 2012 since I had already planned two books in 2012.

My original plan was to release what was going to be called Notebook of the Mind II in late 2013 for two reasons: 1. The last time I put a year plus gap inbetween poetry books the result was Awakening with the Sea my best selling and most well received book to date. 2. I wanted the release of Notebook of the Mind II to coincide with the five year anniversary of my first book Notebook of the Mind: The Prelude. Like my first book I had poems I had written over the years and was still writing that were left unused, they weren't bad poems just didn't fit the themes of my previously released books. Between June 2011 and January 2012 I slowly changed my plan of releasing another Notebook of the Mind

Late 2011 I announced the release of an anthology titled More than a Million Words which featured myself, Criss Jami, and four other authors who had previously not been in other books. Since I was the one releasing the book I had the opportunity to read their work months before the release of the book. Three words: I WAS JEALOUS, I knew Criss was beyond talented but I feared not only my poems being the weakest in the book, but my plans for poetry book 6 were also weak.

I didn't want to change my poems in the book because I personally was proud of what I wrote but my plans to release Notebook of the Mind II were scrapped.I looked through what poems I thought were the best and saw that each poem related to the humanity of us all. I decided to restart from scratch and began writing Our Own Mortality which later became known as Approaching Humanity

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